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The Client List aka Why I love Lifetime movies | The Whine Shop

I have never been a much of a Jennifer Love Hewitt fan.  Her face is a tad too rat-like and her acting is pretty bad.  However, I was fortunate enough to catch the exclusive made for Lifetime movie, The Client List, last night.  Let’s just say if J-Lo-Hew keeps this up, I will be her number one fan.  Move over Tori Spelling, it’s gold, Jerry, gold!

Like peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and chocolate or peanut butter and just about anything, Jenny was made for Lifetime movies.  She has the “woman in trouble” face down perfectly.  She has a heaving bosom that is arbitrarily featured in random scenes and ill-fitting clothing.  The low-rider pants that are most certainly giving her plumber-crack. The hair extensions so large she couldn’t wear a bike helmet.   My one complaint is that she is a really ugly crier.  Now, I don’t claim to look good whilst crying but they aren’t paying me Lifetime movie dollars! She gets all scrunchled and it adds to the rat-like face.

Jennifer Love Hewitt's character is in trouble with the law, and must find a way

This movie really was a page turner, I actually went back to it after commercial, that’s how good it was!  The story is that of a former teen pageant queen (if you are like me and don’t find her beautiful, don’t worry, they spend much of the first half reiterating how beautiful she is) and is married to the H.S. football hero, which in Texas is like being married to a Kennedy.  They have three children and have fallen on hard times.  Our girl is a licensed massage therapist. She applies for a job one hour away from home, which is like the moon to her friends, and discovers that they are not in fact looking for licensed massage therapists (really this is exactly how it happens!) Her mom is played by Cybil Shepard and she is a beautician.  I am just happy to see a leading lady of the 80’s not look like she has been dragged down a cobblestone street (sorry Kathleen Turner).  There is a lot of soul-searching and some flashback of some happier times then a lot of footage of J-Lo-Hew in hilarious “sexy” costumes.  Of course, the law closes in and she becomes the “total recall madam” or some equally stupid moniker.  She cries a lot, unattractively as I have previously posted and gets a minimal sentence because she gave the DA’s office a list of 69 Johns. Did I mention it was a classy movie?  I fell asleep so I missed the typical ending, but I don’t feel like I missed much.

I must confess that my taste in movies is even worse than my taste in television shows.  I used to love the Sci-Fi show “Mystery Science Theatre” so a bad movie=good movie in my world.  If you have watched, “Showgirls” and laughed, then we are on the same page.  Hooray for Lifetime, we could all be superstars! Don’t get me wrong, Cybil Shepard is a beautiful woman, I think she deserves her own Lifetime movie, all though, she may need to tone down her acting ability.

Cybill Shepherd 1983
Photo credits: AP
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2 Responses to The Client List aka Why I love Lifetime movies

  1. Martha says:

    UGH, I am pretty sure I saw part of that train wreck one insomnia-fueled night. Luckily I turned the TV off before the law arrived but now I know I missed Cybil!

    PS I think J-Lo-Hew has the I’m pathetically clueless yet ethereally brilliant thing down.

  2. Jaime says:

    My sister recently watched the Client List and called to let me know that the friend that bails J-Lo-Hew out of jail is a girl I went to highschool with and worked on many shows with. Sad to say but this is her second movie with J.

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